The magical watch with 128 bit processor !

 There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport  terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The  gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his  watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face appears.

 He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?" Mary answers instantly and with a  smile!

 The questioner is thoroughly impressed!!!

 He asks, "What kind of a watch is that?"

 "It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication," the gentleman explains. He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel’s brand new 128-bit chip with processor speed of 10 Gigahertz.

 The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he could buy this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a price and the cash was handed immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it over and then walks away.

 The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, "Sir, you forgot your suitcases."

 The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours now. They are the modems you need for your new watch.

How to Kill a Lion !

How to Kill a Lion !

Cognizant Method:

hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him 65 gobi to eat again and again.

hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit

however give them the same amount  65 gobi to eat

hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS Method:

hire a lion

give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary

lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s method:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …

he dies of unemployment…

Syntel Method:-

Hire a Cat …

assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and

make sure that he never reaches onsite.

Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT Method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.

lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex Method:

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari

for implementing Flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes

alive he will get band movement (promotion)

holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:

hire a lion .

tell him to merge with goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance…

lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat….

Polaris Method :

hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..

change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )

cut down his allowance (coupons etc)

lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Capgemini Method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…

the lion dies before joining….

Wipro Method:

Hire a Lion,

give him a mail Id.

he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

HUAWEI Method:

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…

Give him work of 3 Lions

Tell him to work late and even on weekends…

No time for food and family, automatically die

Accenture Method:

Hire a lion….

Take his CAMS assignment 2 times a year followed by Performance appraisals.

Ask him for lots of My Leanings on line …

Send him to Chennai/HYD/BLG;but yes don’t give him/her his/her home town.

Ask him to stay on bench for a long time or Give him/her projects .

No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls Only Attitude of HR girls.

And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".

Lion dies in confusion iif he is aTiger or lion……

The Last But Not The Least 

Infosys Method:

Hire a lion…..

Send him for training in Mysore and make him feel like

…………………………………………….king of the jungle! J

Make him take generic compeer exam …lion turns into cat

Make him take stream compeer exam …cat turns into a mouse

Send him into production which has nothing to do with what he learned in training

….mouse runs here and there for help!!!

Send him mails telling about mandatory certifications ……….mouse commits suicide… :-) :-)  :-)