Be a millionarie

Two cops were at a far away police station and while they were resting there, a man comes to them and says “The terrorist killed my child and wife. I would give 50 lakhs to the person who may cut the terrorist head and give it to me.”

The two cops hear this and they go for the terrorist head. Soon they find a terrorist and they start to cut his head.

But as they are cutting his head 50 terrorists come there with guns and look angrily at the cops. But the cops start dancing and say:

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“WE ARE GOING TO BE MILLIONAIRES!!!!!!!!!”

Catching Fish is Illegal !

A redneck was stopped by a game warden just north of Kentucky’s Lake Cumberland recently with two ice chests of fish.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said,"It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've got to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

Students !!


1

Announcement in University:

"The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them"

Another announcement after 20 minutes:

"The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes" 

2

1 stone is enough to break a glass. 
1 sentence is enough to break a heart. 
1 sec is enough to fall in love.

But why the hell 1chapter is not enough to pass in exam...??? 


3

Why AMBULANCE is WHITE in color?

 

Kisi professor ne ek student se pooch liya :

Why AMBULANCE is WHITE in color?

Student ka jawaab :

AMBULANCE has OXYGEN cylinder, Oxygen is a gas,

GAS is used 4 cooking FOOD; FOOD is source of VITAMINS,

We get Vitamin-D from SUN,

SUN produces LIGHT,

LIGHT comes from bulbs,

Small BULBS are used 2 decorate CHRISTMAS tree,

CHRISTMAS means GIFTS,


GIFTS r given by SANTA,

SANTA lives in NORTH POLE,

NORTH POLE is the house of POLAR BEARS,

POLAR BEARS r WHITE..

That's Y ambulance is WHITE... 

moral: students se panga mat lena

Piece of mind !

Oh Gosh," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented,

"I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

I want a job !

 A little boy went to a Telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a shop & dialed a number. The Shop owner listened to the conversation: 
Boy: "Madam, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Voice at other end (VOE): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Madam, I will cut your lawn for half the salary you pay to the person who cuts your lawn now.”

VOE: “I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (persistently) "Madam, I'll even sweep the floor & the stairs of your house for free.” 

VOE: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the boy ended the call with a “thank you”. 

The shop owner, who was listening to all this called the boy and told :
 "Son...I like your attitude; I  would like to offer you a job."

 Boy: "No sir, thanks”

Shop owner: “But you were really pleading for a job”

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. 
I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!" 

Pakistani Jokes

Pakistani jokes




1   A big Sardar walked into a bar with his pet tiger on a
leash and asked the bartender, "Do you serve Pakistanis here?".
"Sure we do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the Sardar. "Give me a beer, and one Pakistani for my tiger."


2

”Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ?”

 

“No, I haven’t”

”Nor has Pakistan.”


3

"How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?"
"Shoot the men who are pushing it."


4
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line
that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him.
No, that line is longer than this one, he replies.

5
 Postmaster General announcing " To commemorate the ascension of Zardari to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp with his image. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on."


6
Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots to China  for training.
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "Even you fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the India"

Pakistani Jokes

PAKISTANI JOKES

A Russian, a Cuban, an Britisher and a Pakistani are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it
away..." Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle thru it. All the others are quite impressed. 

The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have most of the cigars of the world: Havana, nowhere in the world there is so many cigars and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed. 

At this time, the Britisher just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Pakistani through it... 

Superb answers

Answers of a Brilliant student who obtained 0%

Q. In which battle did Tipu Sultan die?
A. His last battle.

Q. Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
A. At the Bottom of the Page.
...
Q. Ganga flows in which state?
A. Liquid.

Q. Whats the main reason for Divorce?
A. Marriage.

Q. Whats the main reason for Failure?
A. Examinations...

Did the student Answer Anything Wrong.

Then why was he given 0%.

Bean Avatar

The fastest thing on earth !

An Office Manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.  Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"

Dave, the American, replied, "ATHOUGHT.  It just pops into your head.  There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there.  A thought is the fastest thing I know of." 

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.  
"Hmm.... let me see.  A blink!  It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.  A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer.  "The blink of  an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

 

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.  When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on.  Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." 

 

The  interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Patel, the Guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing isDIARRHEA." 
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were  already giggling in their seats...

 

"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel.  

"You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could THINK,BLINK, orTURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"

Patel is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart

 

Gandhi's Son

Vijayakanth - Do you know the name of Gandhiji's son.
Rajini - No.
Vijayakanth - What Rajini. It is Dinesan.
Rajini - Really? I didn't know.
Vijayakanth - You have to improve your general knowledge Rajini. Did you not hear from your school teacher that Gandhi is the father of Dinesan.

Rajini murmurs to himself - He needs to improve his English. The teacher probably meant 'The Nation'

Make more money?

EOD task!

Successful Business model

Five surgeons

Five surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

   

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

 The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

  But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he Observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There's no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine

3 Kick Rule.

3 Kick Rule

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra . He shot and 
dropped a bird, but it fell int o a farmer's field on the other side of a 
fence. 
  
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his 
tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a 
duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." 
  
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming 
over here." 
  
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia 
and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you 
own." 
  
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle 
disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 
'Three Kick Rule.' 
  
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" 
  
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to 
go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on 
back and forth until someone gives up." 
  
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he 
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. 
  
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the 
attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot 
into the lawyer's ankle and dropped him to his knees! 
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his 
mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear 
end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. 
  
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very 
slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his 
jacket, he said, "Okay, Now it's my turn." 
  
(I love this part) 
  
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck." 
  
When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear. 
  
When you're intelligent, you know which half.

Enjoy Sunday !

Husband : Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. 
Wife    : Why Three? 
Husband : For you and your parents 

Project execution

Thief Detector

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves; they
took it out to
different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;

In UK, in 30 minutes it caught 50 thieves;

In Spain, in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;

In Ghana, in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;

In India, in 15 minutes






the machine was stolen.

Last Job

Kids today

Italian and Indian proverbs

Japanese proverb : If one can do it, you too can do it. If none can do it, you must do it.
Indian version : If one can do it, let him do it. If none can do it, leave it!

Columbus girlfriend

If Columbus had a girl friend he would never have discovered America.Why?
Girl friend : Where are you going?
With whom?
How are yu going?
To discover what?
Why only you?
What should I do when you are gone?
Can I come with you?
When will you be back?
Wher will you stay?
You will miss me,na?
Columbus: Naan aaniye pudungala,pothuma?