Cheap tunnel !

When the British government let out bids for the digging of a tunnel under the English Channel, estimates were in the millions of Pounds. One firm asked only 10,000 pounds, however.

"Considering equipment and labour cost," the construction chairman asked the low bidder, "how do you propose to do the job for such a pittance?"

"It's simple," the contractor replied, "my partner grabs a shovel, goes to France and start digging. I take another shovel and start digging from England. We dig until we meet - and you've got a tunnel!"

"But what if you never meet?"

"Then you've got TWO tunnels!"

Funny answers by students !

l The following questions were set in last year’s xamination  These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasonsA. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formedA. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceansA. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist onA. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs              (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q.. What happens to your body as you ageA. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettesA. Premature death Q. How can you delay milk turning sourA. Keep it in the cow                                  (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..                (wtf!)                                                   Q. What is the fibula?A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean?                     A. Nearby                                                                       Asian answer! Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure?A. A Roman Emperor.               (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport.           (Irrefutable) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight   (brilliant)

How to break bad news?

The husband is on a weeklong business trip and gets a call from his wife,
...

"Hello, sweetheart!"
"Ah yes, darling, I'm busy. Is there a problem?"

"Um, I just called to tell you that the parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead ? The one that won the competition?"
"That's the one."
"Dammed! That's pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh,well...How he died? "
"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Where did he get rotten meat?"
" He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horses? What dead horses?"
"Why, those pure breed ones that you had. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, woman?"
"The one at our house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."

"What the...!!! But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for ???"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL ?!!"
"Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her!”