It is a deal !

Bargaining.....

A Sindhi phones to a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.

"Rs850 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"Rs850!!! Don't you have anything cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"What about, if you just don't use any anaesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock Rs150 off.

"What about if you just use one of your dentist trainees and still  without anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the  price could drop to Rs400".

"How about if you make it a training' session, and one of your students  do the extraction while the other students watch and learn?"

"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. " and

  it's going to be very traumatic, but I'll charge you Rs50”.

"Now you‘re talking ! It's a deal," said the Sindhi.

 "Can I confirm an appointment for my wife for tomorrow then?"

Relatively speaking !

Relatively speaking !

A family is driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race."

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, "Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, "Could I please have another look at the dog?"

Water in The Carburetor !

Water in The Carburetor

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I thinkthere's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there'swater in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out.Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

Grounds for Divorce !!

Grounds for Divorce!

A Polish man married an American girl, and though his English wasn't very good, they got along very well.

One day he rushes into a lawyer's office and asks him to arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer says that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asks him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that??

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read English pretty good, and it say:

How to break bad news?

The husband is on a weeklong business trip and gets a call from his wife,
...

"Hello, sweetheart!"
"Ah yes, darling, I'm busy. Is there a problem?"

"Um, I just called to tell you that the parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead ? The one that won the competition?"
"That's the one."
"Dammed! That's pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh,well...How he died? "
"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Where did he get rotten meat?"
" He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horses? What dead horses?"
"Why, those pure breed ones that you had. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, woman?"
"The one at our house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."

"What the...!!! But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for ???"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL ?!!"
"Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her!”

Piece of mind !

Oh Gosh," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented,

"I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"