Job interview !

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." 

The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.

The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commissioner of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four.

The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" 

The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice....

"How much do you want it to be?" 

Its a traffic jam !

Its a traffic jam .

A police officer knocked the door.

 

For what reason this traffic jam is for? Asked the driver.

 

Terrorist has kidnapped the Politicians. Police Officer replied.

 

They’re asking for 1,000 crores of Rupees as ransom. Otherwise, they’re going to ablaze them all in petrol and set them on fire. Due to which we’re going from car to car collecting donations.

“How much is everyone contributing, on average?” Driver asks.

 

Roughly two liters. The Police Officer replied.

3 Blondes !

The Blond Detective Exam 

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!

Life is like that !

1

"Seance For A Waiter"
Six months after the waiter died, his widow 
went to see a medium, who promised she 
would contact the dead man. 

During the seance, the widow was sure 
she saw her husband standing in the 
corner, dressed in his waiter's outfit.

"Arnold!" she cried. "Come closer and 
speak to me!" 

A hoarse voice from the corner wailed, 
"I can't. It's not my table."

2

"Air Conditioner"
A customer was continually bothering the waiter 
in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air 
conditioning be turned  up because he was too 
hot, then he asked it be turned down because 
he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he 
walked back and forth and never once got 
angry. So finally, a second customer asked 
him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile.  
"We don't even have an air conditioner." 

Chinese Jews !

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews!"

Seeking Charity...

  

A big, burly man knocked on the door of the pastor's house one day and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman known for her charity work and her love for the poor and helpless.

The woman opened the door and saw the man had tears streaming down his face.

"oh, whatever is the matter?" She cried out.

"I come to you today, dear woman, for the purposes of doing charity and good work." Said the man in a hopeless voice.

"Come in, come in!" The woman admitted him inside and they sat in her living room.

begging

"Madam," said the man in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

A Blonde in a flight !

A Plane is on its way t o Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in Economy Class gets
up, and moves to the First Class section and sits down. .The flight
attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells
Gurpreet,that she paid for economy class,and that she will have to sit
in the back.

Gurpreet replies,"I’m Blonde,I ’m beautiful,I ’m going to Chandigarh
and I’m staying right here."

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is a Blonde sitting in first class, that belongs in
economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she
only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
Gurpreet replies,"I’m Blonde,I’m beautiful,I’m going to Chandigarh
and I’m staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot
The pilot says,"You say she is a Blonde?I'll handle this;I am married
to a Blonde.I speak Girly Blonde language."

He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in her ear,and she says,
"Oh,I’m sorry."
and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said
to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her,
"First Class is Not Going to Chandigarh.".