Job interview !

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." 

The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.

The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commissioner of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four.

The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" 

The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice....

"How much do you want it to be?" 

JOB APPLICATION !

Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.An Australian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager.

When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.The manager went to Murphy and said, " Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the American the job."

Murphy, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."Manager, " We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

Murphy, " And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"Manager, " Simple. On question number 7 the Australian wrote down, 'I don’t know.' "

You put down, "Neither do I."

I want a job !

 A little boy went to a Telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a shop & dialed a number. The Shop owner listened to the conversation: 
Boy: "Madam, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Voice at other end (VOE): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Madam, I will cut your lawn for half the salary you pay to the person who cuts your lawn now.”

VOE: “I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (persistently) "Madam, I'll even sweep the floor & the stairs of your house for free.” 

VOE: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the boy ended the call with a “thank you”. 

The shop owner, who was listening to all this called the boy and told :
 "Son...I like your attitude; I  would like to offer you a job."

 Boy: "No sir, thanks”

Shop owner: “But you were really pleading for a job”

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. 
I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"