Pig on the road !

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.

"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

Her tears are real !

A group of young women decided to arrange for a camp with their mothers-in-law to hopefully get to know and understand each other better.. Two buses were hired, one for the mothers-in-law and the other for the daughters-in- law. Unfortunately the bus with the mothers-in-law was involved in an accident and all the passengers died on the spot. The daughters in law (women being women) shed a few tears but they were all puzzled by one sister who wailed uncontrollably for what they perceived to be her loss. Her friend asked her, "Forgive me for asking but why are you crying so hard, I didn't realize u were so close to your mother-in-law? " to which she replied, V V "No we are not close at all, she missed the bus!"

Talking to God!

Talking to God!

Teacher fell asleep in class and Little Johnny walked up to him. 

Little Johnny, "Teacher are you sleeping in class?" 

Teacher, "No I am not sleeping in class."

Little Johnny, "What were you doing sir ?" 

Teacher, "I was talking to God."

The next day Little Johnny fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him... 

Teacher, "Johnny, you are sleeping in my class." 

Little Johnny, "No not me sir, I am not sleeping."

Angry teacher, "What were you doing.??" 

Little Johnny, "I was talking to God."

Angry teacher, "What did He say??" 

Little Johnny, "God said He never spoke to you yesterday..."

How to identify the city you are in !

How to identify the city you are in...

 

Scenario 1: Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on...
That's MUMBAI.

 

Scenario 2: Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up...
That's DELHI.

 

Scenario 3: Two guys fighting and third guy comes from a nearby house and says, "Don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else."
That's PUNE.

 

Scenario 4: Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea stall there.
That's AHEMDABAD.

 

Scenario 5: Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in PUNJAB.

 

Scenario 6: Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them.
You are in WASSEYPUR.

 

Last Scenario: Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends.
You are definitely in GOA.

Ignorance is a bliss ...err... blessing !

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community.

 

If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.

 

If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

 

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one condition to the debate - neither side would be allowed to talk.

 

The Pope agreed.

 

The day of the great debate came.

 

Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

 

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

 

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

 

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Harbinder pulled out an apple.

 

The Pope stood up and said,
"I give up. This man is too Good. The Sikhs can stay."

 

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

 

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Holy Trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.

 

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

 

Then,

 

I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

 

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

 

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.

 

"What happened?" they asked.

 

"Well," said Harbinder,

 

"First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.
I told him not one of us was leaving.

 

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.
I let him know that we were staying right here."

 

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

 

"I don't know", said Harbinder,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!"

See the Guts !!!

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys.

They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts.

The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take ONE round swimming around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, "See the guts!"

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take TWO similar rounds around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, "See the guts!"

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take THREE similar rounds.

The Trainee promptly replied, "Why the hell should I???"

The Indian PM proudly said, "See the guts!"   

Missing Husband !

Missing Husband

 A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband

Inspector: What is his height?

Lady: I never noticed

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Lady: Not slim can be healthy

Inspector: Colour of eye?

Lady: Never noticed

Inspector: Colour of hair?

Lady: Changes according to season

Inspector: What was he wearing?

Lady: suit/casuals I dont remember exactly

Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot  thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the lady started crying..

Inspector: Lets search for the dog first!!!!!!!